I don’t know about you, but I always dreamed of discovering a magical potion that would melt away my sorrows and fill me with a sense of warmth and love for all humanity.

Love Potion

Of course, as I grew older, I realized this was an unrealistic goal. And then I started my research on cuddling!

Turns out, humans naturally produce an amazing chemical that really can improve our lives all around. If you’ve read other Cuddle Labs posts (or the title of this post) you’ll know the chemical to which I refer is… OXYTOCIN!

Here at Cuddle Labs, we’re big fans of oxytocin. In fact, it’s basically our whole reason for being. Here are just a few of the reasons why:

  • Oxytocin is responsible for all the warm, fuzzy feelings we get when we see Mommy, baby, best friend, or lover.
  • It makes us feel bonded to other humans.
  • It enables us to feel empathy, that unique human skill that makes life so beautiful.
  • It emotionally rewards us when we help others.
  • It relaxes us when we are stressed, scared, or upset.
  • It allows us to crave peace (you may think this comes naturally, but some people with low oxytocin levels actually crave conflict and anxiety in order to feel normal).

Basically, oxytocin is the real-life elixir of love!

Now hopefully you’re totally hooked. You’re thinking, “How can I get some of this stuff? It sounds great!” I have one word for you: CUDDLE.

That’s right, since oxytocin is naturally produced in the human brain, all we need to do is maximize that production. And one of the easiest ways to do that is to simply hold each other. In fact, any social touch will create a little spike in oxytocin levels, and the more you touch, the higher and longer the spike.

Even though all humans make oxytocin naturally, we don’t all make the same amount, and we don’t all use it efficiently. Our ability to produce and use oxytocin is formed during our childhood when things like being alone in the dark are terrifying and a caretaker comes to the rescue to calm us. The fear response is orchestrated by the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS), which floods your body with adrenaline so you can fight an attacker or run like heck from a threat. When the threat is over, the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) floods your body with oxytocin to calm you down again.

You’ve probably met some people whose bodies are not so good at the second half of that process, i.e., who can’t seem to calm themselves down after a scare. These people never developed an efficiently functioning PNS (and probably did develop an overactive SNS). You may even see this pattern in yourself.

But here’s the good news! It’s not too late to improve your oxytocin response. When stress wreaks havoc on your body and mind, seek a cuddle buddy and stay mindful of the soothing effects of a good cuddle. The more you cuddle, the better your body will get at producing oxytocin and, even better, using it to counteract the fear response.

You may be surprised to learn that the fear response is actually necessary for developing the PNS. Random cuddling is great, but cuddling after a scare is what really exercises that soothing response and makes the random cuddles even nicer. The PNS is like a muscle: the more you challenge it and use it in extreme situations, the easier it will be to use it in daily “tasks” like staying calm before a test, helping a friend in need, or getting the most out of a hug.

The best thing about oxytocin is that it’s FREE! So go forth and get some today! Available at your local brain.

All of this information and more can be gleaned from Susan Kuchinskas’ book The Chemistry of Connection or her website, http://chemistryofconnection.com.